Feeling and Thought, Family and Home.

My feelings change every moment. My emotions vary with the weather. But my thoughts seem to stay the same. I keep thinking the same things, even when the world goes topsy-turvy. Why is this? Mabye Einstein was right in saying, "Common sense is merely the deposit of prejudice laid down in the human mind before the age of 18." Or mabye he wasn't. I suppose no one really understands the mind. Either way, I've been thinking about home and family lately.

What is home? Is it the place where you grew up? Is it the place you live now? Or is it just a mindset? A subconscious feeling of comfort? I think it is your mindset. I know that I often say that I miss home... the place I grew up. But lately I've been feeling more and more at peace when I just sit down in our living room, eating dinner while watching a movie with my parents. Sometimes, however, I feel as though there's somewhere else for me... a home I've yet to find. Perhaps someday I will find it. But until then, I suppose I'll be at peace here.

Family. This is just like home. Sometimes, even if you have a brother/sister who you've lived with your whole life, you find someone outside of your blood-relations who seems to fit the catagory or impression of a brother/sister better. I know that at times I've felt as though I don't know my brothers at all, and that I feel more comfortable with some of my friends, who now feel like brothers or sisters to me. I sometimes feel as though I don't have much connection to my blood relatives, and I do have connection with those who are in no way related to me. But then, I hear about my brother getting a job in a different area. I hear that he'll be moving. Suddenly... I feel more distant from him than ever. And yet, I know. He is my brother. I cannot explain this... it was the reverse with my other brother. When he moved, got a job, I felt as though he was no longer my brother. I didn't see him, didn't talk to him. And now, he's still a brother to me, but I don't know him very well. It's the same with my sisters, they got married and moved. I don't know them very well. I don't know either of my brothers very well.

So what defines family? I know it doesn't matter if they're blood-relations. But I feel as though it should. I love my brothers, and my sisters. But sometimes I don't know how to talk to them, and I feel as though we're strangers. Therefore, I think that family is another subconscious mindset. An idea, a thought. A desperate desire to talk to them, to know what they do, to love them. A desire to be able to relate and connect with them. Sometimes you can't relate, sometimes you can't talk. And it is at those times when you feel as though they are not your family. It is at those times when you wonder what family is.