Something's Missing

"I'm not alone. I wish I was. Cause then I'd know I was down because I couldn't find a friend around to love me like they do right now... I can't be sure that this state of mind is not of my own design. I wish there was an over the counter test for loneliness, for loneliness like this... Something's missing, and I don't know how to fix it. Something's missing, and I don't know what it is." - Something's Missing by John Mayer

I've come to the conclusion that when I'm lonely, I always want to be more lonely in a roundabout way.

I want to just... leave. Instead of working at my loneliness, I give up. I pack my things and leave for a while.

I guess that's just how I work... I can't NOT be doing something. Going somewhere. Meeting someone. Always running.

When I stop for a moment, breathe it all in... it's good... but only for a moment. Then I think. I start to see how I can't control it... how it never pans out quite like I planned.

And then, loneliness kicks in.

I see the people around me... and I feel like something's missing.

Something's always missing.

Someone's always missing.

So to counter-act it, I run farther.

And farther...

And farther...

Until I'm so far away... that there's no one and nothing left.

Just me and somewhere I've never been, something I've never done.

Because really, that's all that makes me happy, now.

No emotional attachments... that only hurts.

Instead, I'm running. Breathing in and out. It hurts in a way as well... But my heart feels good, pounding there in my chest. It's not breaking, it's stretching. It's building itself up.

That is love.

And how can I be lonely when I feel that kind of love?

How can I be lonely when I'm always running somewhere new?

I can't be.

And yet... I am more alone than ever before.

"Now that I have found someone, I'm feeling more alone than I ever have before." - Brick by Ben Folds

25

Wow...

As of today, I have been to 25 concerts.

This does not include seeing Paul Delay twice, however...

I don't know why...

Maybe it's because he was free.

Oh my...

I also saw Bruce Cockburn... and Dan Hicks. Wow.

29, then.

Though I'm not sure if the first Paul Delay concert counts as I can barely remember it... I was very young, maybe 8. He was playing at the state fair once, and my family and I ate dinner on a blanket in the grass in front of the stage.

I suppose I should add those to my list.

Anyway, the point is that I've started a new blog to store my memories of all of these concerts in.

It's called PDX & Muses.

You'll find it here.

Getting my hands back into shape...

I recently found the passion to play my guitar again. It's not like I haven't played it over the past few years... but just... not as much as I did when I first got it. At the age of eight... for my acoustic, that is. And 13 for my electric.

I used to kind of shrug it off, not enjoying playing it because I wasn't very good, I didn't know any songs, and I wasn't taking lessons anymore. But now... I'm taking piano lessons and bass lessons... and I realized that I don't need to take guitar lessons to learn guitar songs. I've had enough experience with guitar to be able to pick up songs on my own.

So I looked up a bunch of tabs on http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/ and now I'm working my hands out like never before.

Every night I come home, go down to my basement and practice both bass and guitar. I start out with a few bass scales and warm-ups, then I move to actual songs on the bass.

Once my hand is thoroughly stretched out and warmed-up, I take a short break.

Then it's on to the guitar.

:)

I'll do some scales, play some of my own songs, maybe I'll write a new one while I'm practicing... who knows? :)

Over the past three days I've learned all of these songs on guitar... (and aquired a painfully stretched out left hand... which is now taking a well-earned break)...

~Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne - I just started on this one tonight... and OH MAN... it is FAST. Fun though. :)
~Click, Click, Click, Click by Bishop Allen - I LOVE playing this on my acoustic. :)
~New American Classic by Taking Back Sunday - Beautiful acoustic song.
~This Photograph is Proof by Taking Back Sunday - Love the guitar.
~Time After Time(cover) by Saosin - Nice version of a classic 70s ballad.
~Falling Away With You by Muse - I love this song so much... :)
~Sing For Absolution by Muse - This is actually a re-learned song... I learned it about four years ago when I first got my electric guitar... but I hadn't played it in so long that I had to look up the tabs again.
~Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - A friend taught me this one. Great song. :)

Recently learned on bass:

~On My Own by Saosin - Awesome song.
~Hysteria by Muse - Probably my favorite bass line ever. :D
~Time is Running Out by Muse - Another favorite. :)
~The Distance by Cake - Driving bass line... love it.
~Crooked Teeth by Death Cab For Cutie - Okay... not really RECENT... I learned this about a year ago... but again, I hadn't played it in a while and had to look it up again.
~Summer Skin by Death Cab For Cutie - "

I'm playing guitar again.

And I must admit... I missed it. :)

Hope is in the Light(Light is in the Snow)

Hello there, Do you hear
The sound of snowfall,
Muffled yet clear?

Oh, My dear, It takes years
To train your ears
To disapear.

*Hello my friend
Won't you sing again
About all the good times we had?
Oh, My friend
We'll just listen
To the sound
Of it coming down.
Like golden crowns
On a Glassy sea
For you
For me. *

_And if we come undone
We look at the brightness of the Sun
And see the light._

Please, I know it can be so hard
To believe, but believing gets you far.

Please, Why aren't you listening?
Everything, was made to sing to
I'll sing for you...

*Chorus*

_And now we've come undone
What happened to the Sun?
It's gone and.
The night is begun...
But the Sparkle of hope
Shines in that snow
Feel the flow
And just let go..._

Night time, coming in the form
Of a bad sign, the monster and the swarm

Darkness, will it ever end?
Dark Sin, why did we ever begin?

*Chorus*


_And now we're all undone
Where is our Sun?
Sparkles Hope
In the Snow
I let go
And the Light... flows._